This fabulous book that I have reviewed here in the paragraphs below is most definitely one that you must read.
Have you recently ended a relationship or marriage? Are you sad and lonely? Are you full of anger at yourself and others? Are you frustrated and horny? Are you sick of being alone and single? Are you in a relationship that is not what you hoped it would be? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are most likely at the beginning of a meantime experience. Finding the love you want is easier than you think if you are prepared to look deep inside your self.
In the Meantime is an extremely personal, internal journey of emotional house cleaning. It is about getting rid of the trash inside your mind and heart. “I can’t live without you baby.” is rubbish, “Something must be wrong with me.” is absolute trash. “Something must be wrong with you.” is the outgrowth of clutter in the mind. We make excuses. We keep hiding. We refuse to check in, to identify or discover the truth about what we feel and what we are doing in response. The next thing we know is the rug gets ripped away and our heart is bleeding and love, or what we thought was love, has blown up in our face-again. We want to move on, but we’re angry, we want to be brave but we’re hurt. Somewhere in back of our mind the voice of love is whispering, “Get a mop and broom so we can clean up this mess." Let’s begin by telling ourselves and everyone involved here the truth. Everyone finds out what love is NOT, on their way to finding out what love IS. (Iyanla Vanzant, In The Meantime, 1998)
Where do you live in the house of love? Are you a basement dweller; blaming everyone else for your failed relationships? Vanzant uses cleaning house, and the different levels as a metaphor and guides the reader towards finding the love they want. Ms Vanzant explains this journey in plain, easy to understand language. You will travel from the basement to the first floor onto the second floor and then the third floor, this process is complete when you reach the attic. The attic is where we all want to live. The attic is where true, unconditional love for our self and others reigns supreme. In the first part of the book, you will learn which floor you are currently living on. If you are living in the basement, you will not know which floor you live on. A willingness to learn and grow is all you need to advance from the basement to the first floor.
The problem with human beings and relationships is that we keep trying to get an A+ in the relationship stakes. All we need to do is pass, it’s as simple as that. Perfection will not necessarily make one happy and perfection does not exist, especially when it comes to humans and relationships (Vanzant, 1998). You will learn from reading this book to forgive yourself and others. Forgive yourself for ever thinking you did anything wrong. You will learn to discard all of these negative emotions, and apply love to every situation. If you and your partner start to argue and you are both beginning to feel angry and hurt, this book will teach you to stop, ask your partner for a timeout and go somewhere quiet. When you are calm, ask yourself: What would love do here? I know this seems as though it is easier said than done, however it is possible to apply love to any given situation in your relationship and this book will teach you how to do it. Ms Vanzant explains what needs to be done on each floor to achieve the ultimate love that we all want; unconditional love.
You do not need to be a deeply religious or spiritual person to benefit from reading this book. Ms Vanzant talks about God and praying and asking for His help, however this is not a book that preaches religion. We all have our own beliefs and Ms Vanzant’s book recognizes and respects this. I have read this book many times for the simple reason that Ms Vanzant’s words were of great comfort to me and motivated me to be a better person. This book changed my entire outlook on life and love, and I can honestly say that many who read it will feel the same way. Whenever I have had a row with my partner or I am feeling down, I pick up this book; it never fails to make me feel better and gain a more positive outlook on life and love and most of all Ms Vanzant’s writing reminds me to love myself and others unconditionally. This extremely influential read is worth immersing yourself in simply for the excellent writing. There is not one part of this book that will bore you.
If you are into spiritual healing and self-help literature, then I highly recommend this book.
In the Meantime - Finding the Love you Want by Iyanla Vanzant can be found at all good bookstores and online at Amazon.
Copyright ©2010 Janelle Coulton
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